


little gray hair

by lathakalain



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Don't worry it doesn't last, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, I did this instead of sleeping, Implied/Referenced Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Magical Realism, Making Out, Mentioned Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Mentioned Lee Taeyong, Mentioned Suh Youngho | Johnny, Not betaed we die like men, Partying, Sicheng-centric, idk how to tag, jaewin are best friends, one-sided jaewin, or are they?, side JohnJae - Freeform, side taewin, title is from oh klahoma by jack stauber
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lathakalain/pseuds/lathakalain
Summary: A more or less detailed account of how Sicheng's hair slowly changes after ever conversation he has with his best friend.cw: depression, implied/referenced self-harm
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Kudos: 28





	little gray hair

**Author's Note:**

> i have class in a few hours and i prioritized this word dump over my education but i needed to get some things off my chest so don't worry, it won't happen again (i hope)

The first time Sicheng’s hair turned gray, his sister had come home with tears in her eyes and crumpled exam papers in her bag. For hours, she cried into Sicheng’s little chest, wailing about getting a few questions wrong in a test and not studying enough to get a perfect score.

“Please don’t tell Mother and Father, okay, A-Cheng?” she had said, her voice hoarse as she cupped her eleven-year-old brother’s cheek. “Promise me, okay?”

Sicheng had nodded obediently, holding his sister close in his skinny arms. He did not like to lie, but he also did not like people crying, so he kept his promise. When he woke up the next day with streak of white appeared against his head of dark locks, he fainted on the bathroom floor

*

By now, everyone on campus knows about Dong Sicheng and his strange ability (is it even considered one?). At first, he had been a subject of great interest, with people left and right flocking to him and putting peppers near their eyes just to see his hair transform into a mystical silvery hue.

Now, he is just a sign that they needed therapy.

“Which shirt is better?” Jaehyun says, holding up two shirts as he eyes himself nervously in the mirror.

“Does it matter?” Sicheng grumbles, not breaking away from his phone.

Jaehyun whines at him like a stubborn child. “Yes? We’re going to a party that Johnny Suh is _throwing,_ that Johnny Suh personally _invited_ us to?”

Sicheng looks up and inspects his best friend’s options. “If by better, you mean ‘I’m trying to get laid tonight’, then go with black.”

Jaehyun does a mini-celebration that makes Sicheng roll his eyes. Why even bother asking for his opinion when he knew what he was choosing anyway? He is a hundred posts deep into Lee Taeyong’s Instagram page when Jaehyun finally comes out in the black shirt, skinny jeans, a pair of Doc Martens, and a varsity jacket he’s sure he kept around (“I prefer the term ‘never returned’,” is his usual excuse.) after he broke up with Kim Doyoung from the debate team.

“Fucking finally,” Sicheng says as he stands up before his blood could reach his legs. He stumbles at first, and Jaehyun does not bother to catch him. He glares at his best friend when he falls face-first into the wooden floor, who only giggles at him with his hands in his pockets. “Remind me again why we are friends?” he mutters sardonically.

“Because you love me so much,” Jaehyun supplies with a teasing smile.

Sicheng’s eyes would pop off their sockets if he rolls them again, but he does, and he gets up from the floor and out of Jaehyun’s room with a huff. Apparently, he did not read the fine print on the “Be Jung Jaehyun’s Best Friend” contract all those years ago, when he was but a wide-eyed university freshman and ended up following around a tall, clumsy guy in his year with handsome features and dimples that made everyone melt. But not Sicheng. Sicheng did not think too much of Jung Jaehyun’s beauty when there is the huge binder on the different kinds of bread lurking somewhere in his room, or the little shrine dedicated to Harry Potter, or the constant blaring of sappy ballad music when his hook ups don’t call him back after a date. Yes, it takes a lot to be the best friend of Jung Jaehyun, and Sicheng is already trying his darndest.

“So how is school?” Jaehyun says on their way to Johnny’s.

Sicheng arches an eyebrow at him. “’How is school?’ We’re on our way to a party thrown by one of the most popular guys in the campus and you’re asking about school?”

“I mean, you know.” Jaehyun kicks a rock off the curb as they walk. “We’re almost seniors, exams are coming up and junk. I was just checking.”

“Jaehyun, I share half my classes with you. I am somehow obligated to cover your ass whenever you get in trouble.” Sicheng heaves a sigh when they pause in the middle of the sidewalk. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again, shaking his head with a wry smile. “It’s nothing, really. Nothing to worry about. I promise”

Sicheng presses his mouth into a thin line and they resume their walk to Johnny’s house. He does not notice a little strand on his head had lost its color.

*

“It’s so fucking loud!”

“What?”

“I said-“

“Oh look, there’s Johnny!”

Sicheng turns his attention to a tall guy with a light-up necklace and a pair of oversized sunglasses that hid half of his face who is waving at their direction. Jaehyun waves back with a giggle he always reserved whenever he sees someone cute. Sicheng tries not to gag.

“I’m glad you could make it!” Johnny practically yells over the loud EDM music when he walks over to them. He throws Sicheng a smirk. “Who’s the handsome fairy?”

“This is my best friend, Sicheng,” Jaehyun says.

“Nice to meet you,” Sicheng replies with an outstretched hand that Johnny fills with a red plastic cup.

“Don’t leave this house sober you two!” Johnny shouts, and he leaves them on the spot to entertain his other guests. Sicheng turns around and sees Jaehyun also holding a similar cup with a wide grin on his face.

“This is gonna be so much fun!” he says excitedly.

“Yeah.” Sicheng does his best to parrot Jaehyun’s tone. “Fun.”

Jaehyun spends the rest of the evening mingling with his other friends, chatting with underclassmen Jungwoo and Lucas, or getting crazy on the dance floor with Seokmin, Minghao, and BamBam. That left Sicheng alone on the couch, nursing a drink that he takes in timid sips, surrounded by drunk couples making out.

“Cool hair,” someone says beside him.

Sicheng follows the voice and is face to face with Lee Taeyong, the upperclassman he had been stalking on the internet to pass the time. He blushes when he finds that no computer or smartphone screen could do justice to the physical beauty that is sitting right next to him, despite the harsh neon light and the awful music playing in the background. Or maybe it’s just the liquor talking.

“W-what?” Sicheng stammers, his lips trembling.

“I said, cool hair,” Taeyong repeats, pointing to Sicheng’s fringe, part of which had turned white.

Sicheng pats his head hesitantly. “Um, thanks? I thought the entire campus knew already.”

“About what?”

“About… y’know.” Sicheng gestures to his head. Taeyong hums in faux agreement, but the confusion in his eyes betray him. “It’s a thing I have,” he explains further. “My hair turns white when people cry or some shit. I’ve had it since I was a little kid.”

“That must have been stressful, huh?” Taeyong says as he takes a drink. “Looking like an old man when you’re young.”

“It’s not as hard as people think,” Sicheng replies with a hiccup. “Don’t worry, it goes back. Eventually.”

Taeyong nods at him. Sicheng forces a smile when his stomach begins to knot itself. From the corner of his eye, he sees Johnny and Jaehyun talking in a corner. Johnny cracks a joke or two that makes Jaehyun double over in laughter, the dimple on his flushed cheeks deepened and almost permanent. He sees Johnny slip a piece of paper that makes his best friend gasp in child-like wonder. Sicheng hears Taeyong whisper in his ear, something about going somewhere quieter and with less people. It takes a beat for him to respond, to take his hand and walk away with him.

Anything to forget Jaehyun’s smile whenever he looks at Johnny.

*

“Johnny gave me his number,” Jaehyun mumbles; the alcohol in his breath makes Sicheng wrinkle his nose. “Can’t believe it. Johnny Suh. Johnny motherfucking Suh. Gave me his number, Sichengie.”

“I know,” is all that Sicheng can say. “I saw.”

“Where were you by the way?” Jaehyun slurs, looking at him with bloodshot eyes that are half-closed. “I didn’t see you the entire time. Did you have sex with someone?”

Sicheng blushes at his best friend’s claim and swats his arm for his audacity. “I did not have sex, you dumbass,” he defends himself. “I was… with a friend.”

“A friend, huh?”

“Yeah.” Sicheng gets comfortable in his skirting of the truth. “A friend.”

His lungs constrict when Jaehyun stares at him a little longer than he bargained for, and Sicheng takes a long breath when Jaehyun drops the subject and begins rambling about the epitome of perfection that is Johnny Suh. He did not lie, but he did not tell the truth, either. Yes, Dong Sicheng did not have unsafe and unprotected sex at Johnny Suh’s party. No, he had not been with a friend, but with Lee Taeyong. Lee Taeyong, whom he had pinned against the wall and bruised his porcelain skin. Lee Taeyong, who dug his fingers into Sicheng’s salt-and-pepper hair until he moaned. Lee Taeyong, who he was sure had not known of Sicheng’s existence past social media accounts and cellphone screens, who granted Sicheng seven minutes of pure heaven.

When they arrive at their dorm, Sicheng goes to the bathroom and inspects the marks Taeyong had left on him. Nothing too serious, a couple on his neck and a hell of a lot of scratches on his back. He opens the door just in time for Jaehyun to burst in, folding himself over the toilet and retching his guts out. Sicheng pats his back and returns with a glass of water and some aspirin, and before he could make a long speech about the dangers of alcoholism, he find his best friend weeping into his hands.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sicheng softens his tone, setting the water and aspirin aside. Jaehyun releases an almost-earsplitting cry that is sure to get complaints from the neighbors as tears continue to roll down his cheeks.

“I don’t get it,” Jaehyun laments. “I’m at the top of my class. I have a fuckton of friends. I went to a party and got my crush’s number.” He looks up to Sicheng, with all sorts of fluids on his face and the saddest look in his eyes. “So why the fuck am I not happy?”

Sicheng’s heart is beating out of his chest in a panic. What _did_ you do if you already have everything a guy could ask for and still feel like total shit? He guesses he did not know. Instead, he kneels down beside Jaehyun on the bathroom tiles and rubs his back.

“Um, I don’t know,” Sicheng says carefully, his voice barely a whisper. “But I do know that you have me, and you can always talk to me about anything, Jae. I’m always here for you. You know that, right?”

Jaehyun forces himself to smile. “How do you put up with me, Sichengie?”

Sicheng is about to answer before Jaehyun hurls into the toilet again. But he says it anyway, glad that it is drowned out by his best friend vomiting.

“Because I love you so much.”

*

The events of that night do not repeat until next Thursday, when Johnny invites them again for another party that weekend. Jaehyun is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and Sicheng only accepts lightheartedly, swatting away the prospect of Taeyong showing up and him feeling the slightest hint of excitement over it.

“There’s been rumors of you and Lee Taeyong hooking up last week,” Johnny says to him at the hallways of their campus with a playful look.

Jaehyun bugs his eyes as he turns to face his best friend. “Is that true, Sicheng?”

Sicheng, bristling at this sudden confrontation of facts thrown at him, only lets out a drawn out “Eeeeh.”

“Well? Did you or did you not hook up with him?” Jaehyun slaps Sicheng’s arm with his notes. “Don’t you dare lie to me, Dong Sicheng. You know better than that.”

“I did not hook up with him,” Sicheng finally answers with crossed arms. “I just had a few drinks and has a chat with him. That’s it. Nothing more.” _Nothing more but the cordial swiping of his tongue on mine._

“Well that’s good to hear,” Jaehyun replies. “I was getting worried that you weren’t making enough friends.”

Now, it is Sicheng’s turn to smack Jaehyun in the arm, to which he winces in pain and hides behind Johnny’s tall physique in order to “shield himself from such abuse”, or something along those lines. Sicheng rolls his eyes and bids Johnny a disgruntled farewell before Jaehyun joins him on the way to their next class.

“Sicheng.”

The boy grumbles as he looks up from his textbook, unhappy to be distracted. “What is it now?”

“Your hair.” Jaehyun runs a hand through Sicheng’s head before withdrawing it. “It’s getting whiter.”

Sicheng frowns and looks at the selfie camera of his phone. Sure enough, there is more white that streaks his dark mop of hair, like lightning striking through a stormy sky. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and goes back to his studying. “So? What else is new?”

“Someone must really be bothering you, huh?” Jaehyun mutters, fiddling with the hems of his sleeves.

Sicheng is not blind. He has spotted the little slits that have littered Jaehyun’s wrists for some time now and he makes a mental note to hide every sharp object in their dorm and pull Jaehyun aside later for a talk. “Yeah. Must be that.”

*

Their weekends fall into a weird pattern: Jaehyun has been accepting Johnny’s party invites more eagerly, even going to a few quiet dates. Sicheng begins seeing Taeyong outside the loud parties and they do more than kissing in dark corners. And when they get home, Jaehyun will break down sobbing in Sicheng’s arms. On better days, his best friend would simply ask for silence and his embrace; on worse, he would cry and cry and Sicheng could do nothing but take in Jaehyun’s pain. His hair, which should have turned back to black by now, still remains striped with a silvery gray. Taeyong even suggested one day that he dye it if it’s bothering him that much, but Sicheng dismisses this.

“There’s no need for that, hyung,” he says when they lie on Taeyong’s bed. “It’ll turn back eventually. It always does.”

“Alright, suit yourself,” Taeyong replies with a casual shrug, and presses a chaste kiss on Sicheng’s mouth before falling asleep beside him. Sicheng presses his fingers to his lips and wonders what it all means: the kiss, Jaehyun’s weekly breakdowns, the actions he has been making as of late.

He wonders if he will be hurting Taeyong if he wakes up with his bed cold that morning.

*

This week is different, because Sicheng no longer finds Jaehyun in complete despair. He has been nothing but smiles and laughter, the scars on his wrists and his heart slowly healing. He does not comes home every night crying or drunk.

One day, Jaehyun enters their dorm with great news of acing his exams, only to find Sicheng on the floor, with tears in his eyes and his hair completely white. Sicheng could not bear to look at his best friend in the eye as he clutches his chest in pain. Jaehyun takes him in his arms, carding his fingers through Sicheng’s hair.

“Oh Sichengie,” he whispers. “How do you put up with me?”

Sicheng does not answer him immediately, not until he sees his fringe blacken before his swollen eyes and the pain in his chest no longer numbs him. He does not answer when Jaehyun rocks him back and forth like a mother soothing an infant. He does not answer, even when the spaces between his fingers are filled by Jaehyun’s firm hand.

It’s better said when he, too, is smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> so that's that
> 
> hello! i'm a bit nervous writing this because i had a more... ambitious project in mind but i guess the universe had other plans for me. this is also my first time in a long time to write fanfiction and my first time using AO3 so ummmm,,, yeah :)))))) if you want to understand how winwin's hair changing thing works, you can watch this [ PMV ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPDKcW8bYq4) (and give the artist some love too!)
> 
> this fic was inspired by real events involving me and my best friend (don't worry, we're both okay now) and my weird on-the-fence feelings about jaewin. i don't hate it btw, i'm just sad that a really sad thing that happened in my life is now the first thing that comes to mind when i think of their dynamic and it sucks ;-;
> 
> if you want to ask questions or have a chat with me, feel free to kill the drought which is my [ curiouscat ](https://curiouscat.me/_yourlocalerehe). i don't know about making a separate twitter account for writing since i already handle a lot of accounts ;-; but ig you can still drop by [ @_urlocalerehe ](https://twitter.com/_urlocalerehe) if you want to!
> 
> but that's enough from me. stay safe, check on your friends, never be afraid to say "i love you"  
> ,  
> Pia
> 
> edit: wow people actually read this? thank you so much!
> 
> edit (2): somehow an idea for a sequel/spin-off planted itself in my brain some time after publishing this. would you be interested in that?


End file.
